Why I've decided to self-publish my debut romance novel

How I made the choice between self-publishing and traditional publishing (querying)

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Many authors dream about the day they sign their first publishing deal. I’ve been dreaming about the day I self-publish my first book.

As a kid, I loved building websites and coming up with little business ideas that never really went anywhere but were fun to explore nonetheless. That evolved into an obsession with learning about entrepreneurship, particularly in the online space. The whole system of running an online business—branding, marketing, directing every facet of the production, and having freedom/flexibility—really excited me and still does as an adult who’s now been self-employed for over a decade.

In high school, when people used to ask me what I wanted to do for a career, I was frustrated that my dream was to be an author but that there weren’t many viable ways at the time to mix that with online entrepreneurship. I felt like I had to choose between those two passions and sacrifice the lifestyle I wanted.

Until I didn’t.

I still remember hearing about Amazon offering self-publishing in the late 2000s and watching it take off over the next few years. I was absolutely elated that there was finally a valid option to blend my dreams of being a writer with my dreams of owning an online business. It felt like it was made for me.

However, my dreams of self-publishing were put on hold for a while.

THE WINDING PATH

For most of my twenties, I battled intense creative anxiety that took years to overcome (now, I help others who struggle with the same thing). I kept honing my craft through courses, books, and practice, but for a while, I was too riddled with anxiety to share my writing publicly. My dreams of publishing never left me, though, while I pursued different freelance trades (photography, copywriting/copyediting, web design, and content creation), established a writing blog, got certified in coaching to help me overcome my creative anxiety which later led to me coaching other writers, and launched an online shop for writers and fiction lovers.

A decade of experiencing the highest highs and lowest lows of running a business has made me even more confident that self-publishing is the right path for me. And yet, as I worked on the third draft of Project Reality (my second-chance contemporary romance novel), I almost decided to try querying agents with it.

A MOMENT OF DOUBT

This summer, as self-publishing came closer to becoming a reality and I needed to start securing things like a cover designer and editor (which need to be done several months before release), I began questioning the choice I’d been certain of for so long. Was I closing myself off to other opportunities and making a mistake by not trying the traditional route first?

I decided to try it—throw everything at the wall and see what sticks. While still taking steps toward self-publishing, I also threw myself into researching everything related to querying. I got excited about the possibilities. It felt good to open up my options. But when it came time to pull the trigger and start querying, it didn’t feel right. Something in my gut felt off. At first, I assumed it was due to the fear of rejection from agents and publishers, but that didn’t resonate. You face rejection no matter what path you take as an artist, whether from consumers or gatekeepers; that’s just part of the game. Art is subjective. There’s not a single piece of art made in the history of humanity that’s been unanimously loved by all.

I hadn’t made the choice to self-publish lightly. My decision has been reinforced hundreds of times over the years as I’ve extensively researched and considered both options, even as self-publishing was what continuously spoke to my heart. So, why did I question it when it came time to act on it?

I reflected on it and finally realized what that resistance I was feeling was: a last-minute rush of doubt and FOMO (fear of missing out). What if I don’t have what it takes to make self-publishing work? Can I actually do this on my own? Am I missing out on the magical experience I’ve seen in movies of signing a contract with the validation of being “chosen” by a gatekeeper?

But for me, owning my own business is the dream. Trying to go the traditional route didn’t feel right because it was genuinely not what I wanted. Maybe one day that will change—or the right circumstances for it will present themselves—but I owe it to myself to stay committed to the path I’ve been passionate about for years. Sometimes, you have to stand right at the edge of a decision to know beyond a shadow of a doubt what feels right.

WHY I LOVE INDIE PUBLISHING

Indie publishing aligns with what I value most: freedom and creative agency. I get to keep the rights to my work and decide what I want to write, when I want to release it, and how I want to present it rather than having everything dictated by someone else whose priority is profit. (Remember, publishing is a business that operates just like any other.)

As much as it’s a dream of mine to be a full-time author—and trust, I will do everything in my power to give myself the best chance at making that a reality—my priority is to write stories I genuinely love and to find the right readers who will love them, too. If that ends up being a small, niche audience, I’m totally fine with that. I understand, though, that publishing houses have different priorities. It’s why more and more agents and traditional publishers are looking at successful self-published works to find new authors, similar to the approach Hollywood has been taking with existing IP: those books already have a proven sales track record. It’s a less risky investment.

At this early stage of my writing career, I personally want the freedom to establish myself as an artist without getting caught up in writing something to be a commercial success and having the pressure of meeting specific metrics bearing down on me. Maybe, in the future, the option of being a hybrid author (one who does both indie and traditional publishing) will be on the table—and if someone came to me with an incredible offer right now, I can’t say I wouldn’t take it—but I’d prefer it to happen after I’ve established myself and have more leverage to ensure the conditions of any business deals I make honor the things I value most.

LISTEN TO YOUR HEART

There is a lot of noise out there (and inside our heads) that makes it challenging to hear what our hearts are telling us sometimes. Whatever path you decide to take to share your book with the world is a personal decision—one you have to make for yourself, independent of what other people want and the external pressure to go one way or the other. I have author friends who have self-published and ones who have traditionally published; there’s no right or wrong path, but there is one that will feel best for you.

I had to divorce other people’s dreams from my own and get radically honest with myself. Your truth speaks in a whisper, but it vibrates deep. Once you clear out the chatter and bullshit and trust yourself enough to listen to your intuition, the answer is usually clear and unwavering.

What matters most to you and why? What are your priorities? Really dig into what’s motivating your decision. And then, give the choice that truly speaks to your soul the only validation it needs: yours.

xx

Lindsay Elizabeth